oh-la-la.....

(insert big sigh) all right kiddos, the past 3 days have been insane and are now explained. i'm a bit exhausted due to being so overwhelmed at the moment. but since i've tried to call a few of you or make contact other than via internets and failed. i just feel as if i share a bit of the reasons i'm so overwhelmed then my mind might get some space to breathe....and i really need some peace of mind. yesterday, i set eyes upon the notre dame for the first time ever. "el misterio", i'm gonna smack you when i get home, you lied to me. most of you know that one of my majors in university was art history and my favorite subjects are gothic architecture and renaissance italy for some reason. i remember being psyched about knowing i was going to finally see some of the things i had read about so much months ago. but it's honestly been nothing but a wild ride since i set foot on the plane. i lost all excitement and expectations i had before coming. so it didn't really hit me that i was in friggin' paris yesterday until sometime around sunset i turned a corner to see where this flock of people were going (obviously tourists) as i strolled through the streets. i crossed the street to see the notre dame semi hidden behind naked trees. i stared in shock and continued to walk over the bridge to get closer to it and continue staring. it was like tasting a piece of dark chocolate for the first time, just a tiny piece. i'm not a huge fan of monuments during the day so i continued my lil stroll around the area through the sea of tourists and locals. it felt like disneyland. i found the shakespeare & co. shop Jack the pommie recommended (but he wasn't there, boo) and found a handy rick steve's best of europe guide book that shall be my guide for my next few stops. hadn't realized i spent 2 hours in the place so it was dark. i was in awe of the cathedral before but seeing, no, staring at it at night. it's the most beautiful thing i've ever seen in my life to this point. or perhaps it's just making me forget things...i don't know anymore. what i do know is that it wiped all stress and fatigue out of my body for a few hours. yeah, i think i actually spent a total of 3 hours just walking and stopping here n there around it. and yeah, yeah, i did shed 1 or 2 tears out of...fuck i don't know, it's just amazing looking at it, absorbing it visually as i recalled everything i've had to read and images i had to memorize for exams or for fun. i realize i still feel this weird attraction to it, like a magnet. almost like a gravitational pull to it per say. it's just gorgeous. especially the back of it. it seems so cold, raw and naked yet strong due to the buttresses.
as if i practically wasn't a walking boner already. today i spent some time at the louvre. it can be free if you get there early enough, btw, hehehe. saw a few wings but the one that again turned me into a complete wreck of an emo was the italian paintings hall. i had started out with some old greek sculptures first and walked my way from there on. the paintings hall was...the best i can compare it to is being trapped in heavy warm velvet sheets while too intoxicated from wine to find a way out yet feeling it was all a dream and confused of where your mind, body and heart ran off to. first nerdy thing i did was play "name the artist" =P i honestly had not looked up any info on what exactly the louvre contained so i could enjoy my visit better not expecting or knowing anything other than the obvious. i couldn't believe my eyes staring at some fresco's by boticelli, then the fra angelico's, the lippi's, the raphael's, and then.... i lost it again and would've choked on words if i attempted speech while staring at my favorite and first da vinci: john the baptist as/with bacchus attributes. subconsciously it seems, i worked my way up to the collection's peak. wave after wave of shock. i told my mom it felt so surreal because it was as if i managed to transport myself into a few of my art history text books and didn't want to get out. not sure if it's just me feeling too emo about it all or if others have got a similar vibe from the da vinci's. but they felt as if they are the only paintings with life to them. a trapped life. they're paintings, sure, just like any and many of the others in the hall but they just seemed as if the images should be literally moving. ...like the live portraits in the harry potter movies. my point is, every painting i observed has so much depth and life to it, i'm not sure what other words to use to try to make you comprehend. and fuck the haters when it comes to la gioconda. i've heard nothing but disappointed reviews of it from many people and i was nothing short of highly impressed with it. scale wise, it's bigger than i had assumed and one can get a great look at it just fine. i'm beyond baffled how people can find anything by that man disappointing,...wtf. we're so fortunate to even still have those paintings around.
god, i can go on and on trying to explain in words the ecstacy that drowned me while taking in the da vinci's and the cathedral. i swear there were times when i heard no husstle n flow of people chattering in numerous languages around me. all that existed was the cathedral half hidden in shadows over the silky river (or paintings), my shell of a body, and a random collection of my favorite acoustic or violin songs playing in the back of my head. call me crazy, but i honestly feel this strong inner tie to both the cathedral and the paintings. it's as if they're a part of me i had never acknowledged before til now. a reunion of sorts....hahaha, i don't know what's come over me honestly since crossing the seine to the church. to think i have yet to set foot in italia...before taking off for another evening stroll and whatever happens the next few days as i'm not quite done with paris yet. i'll say this mon amis, there is nothing like walking along the seine at night. nothing.